Friday, June 18, 2021

Preston's Birthday Letter

Dear Preston,

Today is your 15th birthday.  You planned out the whole day and are getting exactly what you wanted. You are proudly wearing your new Rangers jersey that you will also display to the game in a few days.  Always a big fan.

You have become so grown and so handsome.  Even the girls are starting to notice.  You are most certainly your own person with a vivid personality, full of humor and love.  It drives us crazy at times, but it is so hard to not to laugh along with you.

You have become quite the athlete, partaking in cross country and baseball.  You definitely enjoy your school teams and are so proud to represent it.  You love the workouts and practices, even during summer, and wish this was all there was to school.

You have matured in personality and body.  Your hair has become a giant curly ball that sits on your head.  Your identity is synonymous with your 'fro.  You stay true to yourself and don't change or conform to anyone else's expected standards.

As much as you find humor in the silliest things, you also find the love.  Although you may never admit it, I have seen a heart full of empathy.  You do care about the heartaches and hard times and are always so willing to help those in need.

You are 100% your own person with your own style and own likes and dislikes.  Never change.  That's what we love most about you.

Love Always,

Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn


Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Kaitlyn's Birthday Letter

 Dear Kaitlyn,

Wow, 17 years have flown by!  It is so hard to believe you are just one year away from adulthood.  I feel like there is so much to teach you still, but I also feel like you have learned so much already.

You have navigated this very strange and unusual year with great poise and understanding.  You have tried your hardest to not let the unknown and uncontrollable phase you or hold power over your life.  You have set your goals high and are still aiming for them, undeterred.

You have grown in artistry, talent, and creativity.  You are eager to try your hand at new projects and ideas, always seeking to make some money through this avenue.  Your artwork has matured and the projects are phenomenal.

You have shown great responsibility with your age and status in this family. You know what needs to get done and are sure to check off those lists.  You are trying to learn all you can so you can fly freely.  You still try to be another mothering figure to your brother, but I think you are learning when to not overstep your boundaries.

Your empathy and giving heart has grown tremendously.  Others around you get to experience your generosity. You truly try to understand another person's background and situation and this will surely take you far in life.

You have proven your abilities working with children.  You grew up in ministry so this comes second nature to you .  Having patience to be with them is a great and valuable trait.

I hope this next year brings so much joy, happiness, and faithful relationships that will only help your growth as a person.  I pray you continue to work hard to crush those goals and you get everything you have dreamed of.

We love you and love seeing the person you are becoming.

Love,

Dad, Mom, and Preston

Thursday, June 18, 2020

Preston's Birthday Letter

Dear Preston,

This year has changed you in so many ways.  You completed middle school. You physically matured, and your hair is much curlier and longer. Plus, you made it through a pandemic.

However, your sense of humor has remained, but you're even wittier. Your baseball skills are good, but are even stronger. You are affectionate and never afraid to show love to your family. 

Stay passionate and continue to learn. Stay affectionate and close to your family. Keep your sense of humor and laugh your way through life. Take charge of this next year and make it awesome.

We love you, Curly Fry!!!

Love,
Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn 

Sunday, December 15, 2019

Kaitlyn's Birthday Letter

Dear Kaitlyn,

It is so hard to believe that this day has come.  Sweet 16!!!  We only have a couple more years with you.

You have matured so much over this past year.  You are learning new responsibilities and handling them so well. School is definitely a challenge, but you are constantly wanting to be challenged even more.

You have learned the importance of loyalty and faithfulness.  These are two virtues that you do not take lightly and embrace them yourself.

You have become a true entrepreneur.  Your talent and creativity is exploding and you are sharing it with the world.  Your creations are beautiful, unique, and you learned how to turn it into a successful business.  You are a true artist.

The future is extremely bright for you.  You know what you want to do and you are doing everything you can to get there.  You can and you will.

Proud does not even describe how we feel as parents.  We cannot wait to see what comes next.  Continue to be your own person and do things your way.  Keep making goals and celebrate when you reach each one.

We love you so much!
Mom, Dad, and Preston

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

The Neverending Stage of Grief

As we come upon the 1 year anniversary of one of our darkest, saddest times as a family, I reflect on all that has happened.  Family that has become closer, emotions that are at times a struggle to control, and the emptiness that still remains in our hearts.  Life goes on and we've had some incredibly happy times, but yet, we still grieve.

This unwanted journey has been tough.  We know we are not alone in it.  Others share their stories of grief, we see stories of grief being circulated online, even our pastor recently had a message about Heaven while he is in the midst of his own grief.  He eloquently said "You can go from making memories to living on memories." At times it seems like it has been longer than a year and other times it seems like everything happened just yesterday.  But memories are what keeps us going.

I have learned all about the stages of grief in my various therapy classes.  And everyone handles grief in their own way.  What nobody can ever tell you is how long grief is going to last.  And it can last forever.  You just simply learn to cope with it.

We have learned what can be triggering to us and bring all those emotions to surface.  Seeing someone that has a similar demeanor, a touching song, gut wrenching scenes in a movie...it can be instantaneous and the tears come.

One of my greatest, fondest memories was spent in the hospital with my in-laws, during my mother-in-laws final hours.  She was in bed, no longer able to speak, and my father-in-law sat in the chair beside her.  The family was unaware at the time, but his dementia had advanced to Alzheimer's and the words he spoke were few and far between unless a question was directly asked to him.  I was alone in the room with the two of them while the rest of the family was meeting with doctors to determine the final steps.  A music therapist came in the room.  As you can imagine, I was so eager to observe her in hopes of learning what I can do with my future clients.  But then, something amazing happened.  Something incredibly magical and miraculous. 

The therapist began to sing hymns, favorites of my in-laws.  My mother-in-law, so desperately wanting to sing along, began moaning to the music.  And my beloved father-in-law closed his eyes, raised his hands, and began to sing every single word to the hymns. 

My jaw dropped open and tears flowed down my face.  I was in complete awe of what I was witnessing.  No longer was I observing the music therapist and her intervention, but I was observing the clients, my in-laws, and seeing the powerful impact of music.  The session was done before anyone else came in.  So the beautiful memory remains very personal and will always be etched in my mind. 

It wasn't too much long after that moment that we were saying our final good-byes and she passed during the night.  The same hymns the music therapist sang were played at her service.  It was a chilly October day and the cemetery grounds were damp from recent rains.

Sadly, we had to say good-bye to my father-in-law only 3 months later, almost to the exact time during the night.  Craig got to be with him in those final moments. Craig had a very supernatural experience in the room as his dad took his last breath.  It was beautiful, but heartbreaking.  Another special memory solely for Craig.

The same hymns were also played at his service.  It was a chilly January day and the cemetery grounds were damp from recent rains.  So many eerie similarities.  They rest side by side, only being apart for three months. 

The heaviness we felt during that time was unbearable.  It lasted for quite awhile until we could gradually feel it start to lift.  We relied heavily on our faith and each other to get through it.  It did not take much for one us to shed some tears, even the kids.  It was an extremely difficult time for them as well. 

Craig's employer was extremely understanding and gave him whatever time off he needed.  His boss even took the time to pay his respects.  School was very difficult for me.  My practicum at the time was working with dementia clients.  My music therapy classes included learning about palliative and hospice care.    Thankfully, I had very understanding professors (the benefits of having therapists as your teachers), so they were very empathetic and understanding of what I was going through.  However, because of my experience with hymns, they have a triggering effect on me and I cannot sing them or listen to them without being overwhelmed with emotions.

Now, a year later, memories are flooding back.  We're continuing to experience holidays and events without either one of Craig's parents for the first time.  It's going to be hard and it's going to be emotional.  It will be a new normal for us.

When it's all done and finalized, the memory lives on.

And so does the grief.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Preston's Birthday Letter

Dear Preston,

Well, it's official! You are now a teenager!!!  What will it be like to have two teenagers in the house now?!

You definitely have a personality that is all your own.  You don't try to fit into anyone else's mold, but your own.  To you, life is all about having fun, trying to make others laugh, and constantly cracking jokes or making witty comments. 

You love when the family is together, going on trips, enjoying meals, or just relaxing at home and watching a movie.  You tend to be a homebody.  You try to emulate your dad and you love to be close to me.  As much as you like to tease your sister, I know you enjoy being with her as well.

You are adventurous and willing to try new things.  If it looks thrilling, but fun, you are in. 

You are athletic and love to be outdoors.  You enjoy workouts and running, no matter how tough.  You have tried all different sports and you definitely know where your heart lies.

Baseball.

Baseball is life!  You play it, watch it, talk about it...the list goes on and on.  You grew up on the baseball fields and you know how to play every position.  You look forward to the next game and practice and especially love being around your teammates.

We have watched you grow so much this past year: emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.  You are turning into a young man that is bittersweet to comprehend.  But we know your future is bright and you always make us proud.

We love you tremendously!

Happy Birthday, Presto!!!!

Love,
Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn


Friday, May 24, 2019

Actions Speak Loud, Words Do Too

Often times we hear the phrase "words speak loud, actions speak louder."  It's true, you should back up your words with the simultaneous action.  However, sometimes words need to follow the action that happens first.

Mental health is a serious and rising issue.  Although there are many, many factors to the cause of this, words can be a culprit.

Parents will provide for their children, meet all their needs, but still fail to say "I love you" or "I'm proud of you."  Couples will get into a disagreement and then resolve the issue, but still fail to say "I'm sorry."  We're quick to criticize others and tell them everything they are doing wrong, but fail to acknowledge and verbally say what they are doing right.

Words have power.  Words have substance.   Words can heal.

We have a strict vocabulary in our house.  There are lots of things we do not say simply because they are not nice and there is no reason for them to be said.  There are millions of words to use in place of something that sounds inappropriate.  I always ask the kids "is it positive, encouraging, or uplifiting?"

It's easy to fail with our words.  It's easy to be frustrated or angered and something unkind comes out of our mouths or we show it in our body language.  We're all human and imperfect.  So, we have to be even more conscious of our actions and our words.  I learned years ago when I started teaching about the "sandwich method." Say something positive, then a constructive criticism, and then something positive again.  It definitely works.

I am an observer (as most therapists are) and I can tell when someone is insincere in their words or actions.  I have heard kinds words, but not seen it followed with kind actions. I have observed someone's demeanor change when they are put down and told how terrible they are.  I have also observed someone's demeanor change when they are encouraged or uplifted.  I have worked with children that have been abused, not just physically, but also verbally.  If that's all they ever hear, will that cycle be broken when they have their own kids?

Use positive words.  Follow up with positive actions.  Use positive actions.  Follow up with positive words.