Sunday, December 15, 2019

Kaitlyn's Birthday Letter

Dear Kaitlyn,

It is so hard to believe that this day has come.  Sweet 16!!!  We only have a couple more years with you.

You have matured so much over this past year.  You are learning new responsibilities and handling them so well. School is definitely a challenge, but you are constantly wanting to be challenged even more.

You have learned the importance of loyalty and faithfulness.  These are two virtues that you do not take lightly and embrace them yourself.

You have become a true entrepreneur.  Your talent and creativity is exploding and you are sharing it with the world.  Your creations are beautiful, unique, and you learned how to turn it into a successful business.  You are a true artist.

The future is extremely bright for you.  You know what you want to do and you are doing everything you can to get there.  You can and you will.

Proud does not even describe how we feel as parents.  We cannot wait to see what comes next.  Continue to be your own person and do things your way.  Keep making goals and celebrate when you reach each one.

We love you so much!
Mom, Dad, and Preston

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

The Neverending Stage of Grief

As we come upon the 1 year anniversary of one of our darkest, saddest times as a family, I reflect on all that has happened.  Family that has become closer, emotions that are at times a struggle to control, and the emptiness that still remains in our hearts.  Life goes on and we've had some incredibly happy times, but yet, we still grieve.

This unwanted journey has been tough.  We know we are not alone in it.  Others share their stories of grief, we see stories of grief being circulated online, even our pastor recently had a message about Heaven while he is in the midst of his own grief.  He eloquently said "You can go from making memories to living on memories." At times it seems like it has been longer than a year and other times it seems like everything happened just yesterday.  But memories are what keeps us going.

I have learned all about the stages of grief in my various therapy classes.  And everyone handles grief in their own way.  What nobody can ever tell you is how long grief is going to last.  And it can last forever.  You just simply learn to cope with it.

We have learned what can be triggering to us and bring all those emotions to surface.  Seeing someone that has a similar demeanor, a touching song, gut wrenching scenes in a movie...it can be instantaneous and the tears come.

One of my greatest, fondest memories was spent in the hospital with my in-laws, during my mother-in-laws final hours.  She was in bed, no longer able to speak, and my father-in-law sat in the chair beside her.  The family was unaware at the time, but his dementia had advanced to Alzheimer's and the words he spoke were few and far between unless a question was directly asked to him.  I was alone in the room with the two of them while the rest of the family was meeting with doctors to determine the final steps.  A music therapist came in the room.  As you can imagine, I was so eager to observe her in hopes of learning what I can do with my future clients.  But then, something amazing happened.  Something incredibly magical and miraculous. 

The therapist began to sing hymns, favorites of my in-laws.  My mother-in-law, so desperately wanting to sing along, began moaning to the music.  And my beloved father-in-law closed his eyes, raised his hands, and began to sing every single word to the hymns. 

My jaw dropped open and tears flowed down my face.  I was in complete awe of what I was witnessing.  No longer was I observing the music therapist and her intervention, but I was observing the clients, my in-laws, and seeing the powerful impact of music.  The session was done before anyone else came in.  So the beautiful memory remains very personal and will always be etched in my mind. 

It wasn't too much long after that moment that we were saying our final good-byes and she passed during the night.  The same hymns the music therapist sang were played at her service.  It was a chilly October day and the cemetery grounds were damp from recent rains.

Sadly, we had to say good-bye to my father-in-law only 3 months later, almost to the exact time during the night.  Craig got to be with him in those final moments. Craig had a very supernatural experience in the room as his dad took his last breath.  It was beautiful, but heartbreaking.  Another special memory solely for Craig.

The same hymns were also played at his service.  It was a chilly January day and the cemetery grounds were damp from recent rains.  So many eerie similarities.  They rest side by side, only being apart for three months. 

The heaviness we felt during that time was unbearable.  It lasted for quite awhile until we could gradually feel it start to lift.  We relied heavily on our faith and each other to get through it.  It did not take much for one us to shed some tears, even the kids.  It was an extremely difficult time for them as well. 

Craig's employer was extremely understanding and gave him whatever time off he needed.  His boss even took the time to pay his respects.  School was very difficult for me.  My practicum at the time was working with dementia clients.  My music therapy classes included learning about palliative and hospice care.    Thankfully, I had very understanding professors (the benefits of having therapists as your teachers), so they were very empathetic and understanding of what I was going through.  However, because of my experience with hymns, they have a triggering effect on me and I cannot sing them or listen to them without being overwhelmed with emotions.

Now, a year later, memories are flooding back.  We're continuing to experience holidays and events without either one of Craig's parents for the first time.  It's going to be hard and it's going to be emotional.  It will be a new normal for us.

When it's all done and finalized, the memory lives on.

And so does the grief.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Preston's Birthday Letter

Dear Preston,

Well, it's official! You are now a teenager!!!  What will it be like to have two teenagers in the house now?!

You definitely have a personality that is all your own.  You don't try to fit into anyone else's mold, but your own.  To you, life is all about having fun, trying to make others laugh, and constantly cracking jokes or making witty comments. 

You love when the family is together, going on trips, enjoying meals, or just relaxing at home and watching a movie.  You tend to be a homebody.  You try to emulate your dad and you love to be close to me.  As much as you like to tease your sister, I know you enjoy being with her as well.

You are adventurous and willing to try new things.  If it looks thrilling, but fun, you are in. 

You are athletic and love to be outdoors.  You enjoy workouts and running, no matter how tough.  You have tried all different sports and you definitely know where your heart lies.

Baseball.

Baseball is life!  You play it, watch it, talk about it...the list goes on and on.  You grew up on the baseball fields and you know how to play every position.  You look forward to the next game and practice and especially love being around your teammates.

We have watched you grow so much this past year: emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.  You are turning into a young man that is bittersweet to comprehend.  But we know your future is bright and you always make us proud.

We love you tremendously!

Happy Birthday, Presto!!!!

Love,
Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn


Friday, May 24, 2019

Actions Speak Loud, Words Do Too

Often times we hear the phrase "words speak loud, actions speak louder."  It's true, you should back up your words with the simultaneous action.  However, sometimes words need to follow the action that happens first.

Mental health is a serious and rising issue.  Although there are many, many factors to the cause of this, words can be a culprit.

Parents will provide for their children, meet all their needs, but still fail to say "I love you" or "I'm proud of you."  Couples will get into a disagreement and then resolve the issue, but still fail to say "I'm sorry."  We're quick to criticize others and tell them everything they are doing wrong, but fail to acknowledge and verbally say what they are doing right.

Words have power.  Words have substance.   Words can heal.

We have a strict vocabulary in our house.  There are lots of things we do not say simply because they are not nice and there is no reason for them to be said.  There are millions of words to use in place of something that sounds inappropriate.  I always ask the kids "is it positive, encouraging, or uplifiting?"

It's easy to fail with our words.  It's easy to be frustrated or angered and something unkind comes out of our mouths or we show it in our body language.  We're all human and imperfect.  So, we have to be even more conscious of our actions and our words.  I learned years ago when I started teaching about the "sandwich method." Say something positive, then a constructive criticism, and then something positive again.  It definitely works.

I am an observer (as most therapists are) and I can tell when someone is insincere in their words or actions.  I have heard kinds words, but not seen it followed with kind actions. I have observed someone's demeanor change when they are put down and told how terrible they are.  I have also observed someone's demeanor change when they are encouraged or uplifted.  I have worked with children that have been abused, not just physically, but also verbally.  If that's all they ever hear, will that cycle be broken when they have their own kids?

Use positive words.  Follow up with positive actions.  Use positive actions.  Follow up with positive words. 









Monday, May 20, 2019

Inspirational Quotes, Inspirational Lives

If you look on my Instagram feed, you will see it is full of quotes. Inspirational quotes.  The quotes stand out to me and provide meaning for my life.  Or sometimes I use the quotes if I feel someone is placed on my heart.  Words are a great outlet for me.  It is how I best express myself whether it's through blogging, song lyrics, or finding a quote (or even writing my own) that perfectly describes how I am feeling.

But life is more than quotes. Being an inspiration is more than what people read on your social media pages.

It is also how you live your life.

I can post all day about positive attitude, positive vibe, positive life, but if I'm not actually living those words, I am not being inspiring.  I am just being artificial.

Life is hard.  It's full of heartache, sadness, anger, tough choices.  But it can also be really beautiful. Life can be full of joy, love, excitement, and surprise endings.  It's all about your approach to life when it gets hard.  It's how you look at those challenges in the face and are willing to take them head-on with the mindset that it's already been conquered.

It is then you realize life is not that bad.  You can see the glass half full over and over again.

It is then you realize others may be watching and seeing how you handle those situations.  You are being inspiring. 

You are an inspiration and not just a quote.



Friday, January 25, 2019

In Remembrance...

When I tried to think of a word or phrase to describe my father-in-law, 'gentle giant' kept coming to mind.  And that description is so perfect.  He was a big man, in height as well as build, but his heart was even bigger. 

I got to know Wes Kelley in my teens, first as our church missionary along with his wife, then as my boyfriend's father, and finally, as my beloved father-in-law.  He would always tell me stories about Craig's younger years.  He would talk about Craig and his younger brother spending time with the Kelley's, flying back and forth between Texas and New Mexico in the Cessna plane he owned and piloted himself, before finalizing the adoption of the two boys.  He would often tell the same stories over and over.  A very specific story was when the boys first came to live with them and they wouldn't go outside.  They had five acres of land to explore, but stayed indoors, perhaps for a sense of security.  But since Wes owned his own successful construction company, WesCo, he had a truck full of dirt delivered to their house and had it dumped in a portion of the yard (remember, they had 5 acres).  After that, full of childlike wonderment, the boys could no longer be kept from going outdoors.  Many adventures were had with toy trucks and imaginations on that big dirt pile.

As I heard that same story countless times over the years, I realized it's not because he forgot he already told me the story.  It's because that story left a long lasting impression on him.  It was a story forever etched in his heart about the growing bond between him and two little boys that would learn to call him Dad. 

Wes was known for his work ethic.  He would get up early to get the job done.  Sure, he would stop at a local diner for coffee with his friends (and he had a myriad of them), socializing and catching up on the happenings of their small city of Carlsbad.  Then, it would be a full day of construction, managing a crew, dealing with any obstacles, and providing quality work.  It was a characteristic that Craig always remembered and used as a plumb line for his own life.

When our paths finally crossed, Wes and Wanda had already been called to the mission field.  They obeyed the Lord in giving up their own company and the comfort it provided to continue construction for the sake of the Gospel by building churches, orphanages, and Bible schools.  So, when I finally realized that my new boyfriend's parents were actually the missionaries that attended and were supported by our church, I was dumbfounded.  Awestruck is probably a better term.  I had such great admiration for them and all the work they were doing.  They were truly living examples of how a person can live their life in faith and stand strong amidst any adversity that comes their way. 

Until the Lord makes you kneel.

We were all part of a wonderful Assemblies of God church in El Paso, Harvest Christian Center, and the Spirit was always so alive. So very real.  I can clearly remember one service when the Spirit completely took over the service.  There was shouting, crying, praising in the name of the Lord.  And there was Wes.  Always one to acknowledge God's presence and its power, he was against the wall, weeping, and unable to stand.  With Bible in one hand and the other holding onto the wall, he was praying in a language only God could understand. And so I got to personally witness this gentle giant of a man become humbled and brought to his knees by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I remember another time that happened after the birth of our first child.  A friend of ours was teasing us and asking "where's the parenting manual for this?"  Laughing, Wes held up his Bible (which was never far from him) and said, "it's right here."  He understood how important it was to raise children to love the Lord, which he successfully did.  He was delighted to know Craig and I believed the same and always asked us about our church and sermons and Sunday School lessons that were being taught.  When I was a VBS director for close to a decade, I know Wes and Wanda were praying continuously for little lives to be touched (as well as my sanity!).

Touching lives, impacting families, and reaching the lost is the legacy he has left behind.  I am always so floored and amazed by the many testimonies that are all because Wes and Wanda Kelley lived in obedience.  He once told me a story of one of their missions trips. A man that was completely deaf was instantly healed during a revival service.  I can only imagine the many, many miracles they had seen and were part of. 

Wes loved talking about the Lord, Heaven, and all that Jesus did for us.  He never stopped being a witness.  Even in his last few days, one of his nurses saw a plaque hanging on the wall, recognizing him for his missions work in Mexico.  She thought it was such a wonderful thing and was also awed by the life her patient lived. 

Watching a loved one with Alzheimer's is devastating.  Their words can't seem to be found and everything becomes strange and confusing.  There was a beautiful moment that occurred in October as he sat beside the bed of his gravely ill wife.  Wes was not completely aware of what was going on but knew we were in a hospital and that his wife of 60 years was sick.  He didn't say much but sat there and would occasionally ask her if she was ok.  Then the music therapist came in for a session.  She softly strummed her guitar and sang several hymns.  Wes sang every. single. word.  I had never heard him sing before.  In recent months, he had not been talking as much either.  But to see him sing those hymns that were so familiar to him from his younger days, and continue to praise the Lord, because he never ever forgot his identity in Christ, was the most magnificent and fascinating thing I had ever seen.  He used that time to talk to the music therapist about the Lord and how important it was to know Him.  He may have forgotten how to do many things, but he had not forgotten how to be a witness.  The tears just flowed from me as I sat there in stunned silence.

Wes absolutely loved his family.  He loved his grandkids and great-grandkids.  He had some special moments with Preston in the last few months.  He taught us all so much about how to live and serve.  He taught us how to work hard and be generous with the blessings we were given. I watched Craig as he watched his father in his last few days. I could see the love and utmost admiration that was there. I know that is the type of dad that Craig wants to be.

So my tears that I shed are not sad tears because Wes is gone.  I am very thankful his caged mind has now been set free.  I am happy to know he has been reunited with the love of his life.  I am elated that he now gets to forever be in the presence of his Heavenly Father that he so faithfully served.  But rather, my tears are those of being heartbroken for Craig and his family for losing both parents within three months of each other.  We have truly entered into a season of grief that has no time frame.

Even though people will no longer have the chance to meet Wes Kelley and allow him to leave an imprint in their lives, his legacy goes on.  All he has done by serving the Lord will never be forgotten and will impact future generations.  And despite the awards and accolades he may have received, he always gave the glory to God.

"Well done, good and faithful servant."-Matthew 25:23

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Year of Kindness

A new year brings new beginnings, new goals, and new resolutions.  Although we can begin all of these things at any given time, it is always the norm to wait for the first day of the year.  Everyone is always so eager to make a fresh start on January 1st.


For 2019, it is the Year of Kindness for the Kelley family.  I'd like to think we are kind all the time, but this year, we want to exhibit it even more.  We want others to feel welcome in our home, come over for a hot meal or cup of coffee.  We want to be available if someone just needs to talk.  Our home is open, our hearts are open.

We want to do more random acts of kindness.  A year ago, we spent a month doing random acts of kindness and it was wonderful.  We loved seeing the kids get excited and were so eager to participate and bring a smile to people's faces.  Some we knew and some we didn't.

We have a big year coming up with lots of milestones to be reached and celebrations to be had.  We want to extend our joys and happiness to others.  We don't like to see others left out and everyone deserves some happiness.  And in this world where kindness seems to be waning and almost disappearing at times, we want to revive it. 


We can do our part by extending kindness to others on a daily basis.  We encourage others to be kinder also.  It doesn't have to cost money.  A smile, a hug, a compliment, a word of encouragement...all of these things can go a long ways.

As we make our way through this next year, trudging through any obstacles that we may have to overcome, don't lose that spirit of kindness.  When our days are tough, someone else's day may be tougher.  When someone is celebrating, let's celebrate with them. Simply, let's be kind.