Saturday, May 12, 2012

I Never Wanted To Be A Mom

I never wanted to be a mom.  I was not the type of little girl that talked about getting married, having the white picket fence, and lots of kids.  I never said I wanted someone to dress up in frilly dresses or button down shirts and khakis.  

In fact, I said I NEVER wanted kids.  I thought kids were annoying and I didn't want that kind of responsibility.  I wanted to perform in musical theater and travel with my husband.  I didn't want to stress over finances.

I had many medical problems with my female anatomy.  After a surgery to re-position my uterus that nearly took my life in September 2002, I didn't know if I'd even be able to have kids.  But that was okay because I still didn't want them.

I remember the day so clearly.  I could hear the voice so audibly.  It was New Year's Day, 2003.  A Baby Story marathon was on T.V.  Why was I so obsessed with watching that show ALL DAY LONG?  Then I heard Him.  I heard God's voice.  For me, hearing from God is not like hearing from just anybody.  It was an overwhelming feeling.  It was like a light bulb being turned on in my head.  It was such a clear answer that I could not possibly deny not knowing the question that I never asked.  

It was time to start a family.  

Craig always wanted two children and knew how I felt about it.  He married me anyways.

When I told Craig how God spoke to me, shock could not even explain the look on his face.  After meeting with my doctor, who told me I should have no problem getting pregnant despite my medical history, we knew it wouldn't be long until we conceived.

Three months later, I was pregnant.  God works fast.

December 2003, only 11 months after hearing God's voice, a beautiful 7 lb. girl came into our lives.  She was born 9 days after her father's birthday and 10 days before our anniversary/Christmas.  She was the best gift we could ask for.

And I fell in love.  

I was so happy with my only princess that I didn't even want to think about having another child.  It was a miracle that I had her and my uterus was still doing well after my previous surgery.

But I heard the voice again.  It was August 2005.  We started to try for a second child, thinking it would be nice if our kids were about 2 or 2 1/2 years apart in age.

Two months later, I was pregnant again.  My handsome blue-eyed, 9 lb. boy was born June 2006, on Father's Day, almost 2 1/2 years exactly after our daughter was born.  

Then, my uterus fell back to its previous position, which had caused me many problems before.  I knew God kept me healthy just long enough to have the 2 kids that I was always destined to have.  I had a hysterectomy in August 2009, at the age of 28.  But I was at peace with the decision after lots of prayer.  We knew our family was complete with just the four of us. It was time for me to start living fully and not always being weighed down with constant medical problems.

Motherhood has changed me and molded me in ways I could never imagine.  I am much more emotional, I like things extremely organized and planned, I'm very protective of my kids, and I don't do anything without thinking of how it will affect my family.  

I still perform in musical theater.  Our family is taking two trips this year.  We have no debt except one car payment and our mortgage.  And I love being responsible for these two little lives.

Thank you, God, for trusting me to raise these children.  Thank you for keeping them healthy, well fed, and protected.  Thank you for these two beautiful creations that have changed me for the better.  Thank you, God, for making me a mother.


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